Hi!

I know it's been a couple of months since I last posted. There has been a very good reason. I have been in a very dark place and really couldn't see anything light or positive to write about. So, I didn't. I'm sure we all have our dark places and I'm sure you don't want to be dragged into mine.

Although I am very slowly getting over my marriage breakdown and I've accepted that, I appear to have another problem to deal with. A total phobia of going out and having to deal with people. It's not like agoraphobia, I'm happy in wide, open spaces as long as there aren't any people in it, especially ones that might talk to me. Odd for me as I'm very sociable normally. Working on it!

Anyway, it looks like I have managed to finally find a house to rent that will accept me and my dog, Moss. Rented property that'll accept a dog is very hard to find so I'm grateful to have found this. It's going to need some TLC but I can paint so it's something to look forward to. It's got a nice patio and small garden which I'm looking forward to sitting out on and planting flowers in.

It has some "interesting" colours on the walls but I think I'm going to paint everywhere either white of ivory cream. Nice and light. I'm hoping to go for the simple, uncluttered look too but........

Anyway, off to sort through some more boxes. It's been nearly 12 months since I've seen what's in these boxes so should be fun.
Bye for now.
J xxx

Musings!

I came across a little book that I had written a few bits in earlier today. I had written a few lists of things I want to do less of and more of and other things. Some bits got me thinking too.

Some things in life confuse me, well a lot of things in life confuse me to be honest. I often post or repost inspirational quotes on my Facebook page and quite often those quotes mention Blame. Stop blaming others, stop blaming yourself etc. Now, sometimes you have to blame. I mean the child that's the victim of child abuse or the woman/girl that's been raped or the animal that has been abused are never to blame but their abusers are. Right? So, what about the wife/husband that's the victim of domestic abuse? Is she/he to blame or is the abuser to blame? Should she/he have stopped the abuse or should the abuser not have abused. Actually, I'm talking about a special form of abuse. The Passive Aggressive Abuser. So, in reality it's not that obvious that you're being abused. It's not like a punch or verbal abuse, it's very sneaky and underhand, like dripping water it erodes your self esteem, your self worth etc. and has you believing everything is your fault. In fact you're told everything is your fault and even though you know it's not you start to believe it. You question yourself constantly, you even think you're going a tad crazy. So does the abused blame herself/himself or do you blame the abuser? Or, with the passive/aggressive abuser, which is also classed as a form of mental illness, albeit a mild sort, is there no blame/fault at all? Is the abuser aware of what they're doing?

Also, if you're married to somebody, do you not try to be a good spouse? Do you put up with stuff because you're married and you want that marriage to work or should you do as you would if it was another person and tell them to take a hike?

If anybody has any insights or thoughts on this I'd love to know.

And, on a lighter note, here's a picture for you.

Toodlepip for now. xx

 



Further intentions

OK, so not gotten much further with my life's intentions from my last post but I have sorted out just about all of the people I need to legally notify about my name change including my passport. I was going to leave that until it ran out but apparently you can't as it can be misconstrued as you trying to be fraudulent so I've had to change that too. I am on the housing list now for Shropshire. Just waiting to hear about the decision, which I believe takes a few weeks. Fingers crossed I get to go home.

I've been down to Rochester in Kent to spend a few days with my youngest son. I confess, I hadn't seen him for 4 or 5 years and that is bad of me. Was lovely to catch up with him again and also have a mooch around Rochester again. Although I lived in the Medway towns for many years and frequently went to Rochester I had never been in the cathedral before, so I had a mooch around there too. Lovely building, apparently the second oldest in the UK. Canterbury is older so I'm told.


Rochester Cathedral

I also found a gorgeous shop called The Vintage Dove in Rainham shopping precinct. I wanted everything but refrained except for a pot of chalk paint and clear wax, oh! And a little scented bag thingy. It's a gorgeous shabby chic type shop full of gorgeous scrumminess. Good job I don't live there anymore or I could get into serious trouble.

I can't think of anymore news at the mo so I'll say toodlepip for now.

Take care.

More Intentions

Last week I made the decision to move back to Shropshire. I've still got to get on the housing list and be able to bid on houses etc. but that's where I'd like to be. I'm Shropshire born and Shropshire bred and nearly all my family still live there. I'd like to spend more time with my now elderly parents, especially my mum. Now whether or not this all comes about is yet to be seen but for now it's a plan and I need a plan, a sense of direction. Something to work towards. I just wish all my family could live close to one another so I could see them all instead of being scattered all over England.

I love Belper and the surrounding countryside of Derbyshire and will miss it but everything I do here at the moment just feels so empty. Hard to describe it really but I feel like I'm going through the motions that don't mean anything. I've been to the cinema a couple of times and whilst it was nice to see the films it seemed a bit pointless on my own.

The secret of a happy life isn't buried in a treasure chest it lies within your heart....

I have also changed my name by deed poll too. I've reverted back to my maiden name so I'm slowly changing all the legal documents over to my new/old name. Feels quite good too.

More of life's intentions to come so toodle pip for now.

Intentions!

Just lately I haven't been as positive as I should be. I've been dwelling on some negative thoughts instead of the positive ones. I'll admit being on my own is scary. I've been looking at places to rent and a huge majority don't accept pets. I have dog. He's my constant companion and friend. He's also for life so getting rid of him just isn't an option for me.

I am a firm believer that positive thoughts attract positive energies and things into your life. So, I am going to take a leaf out of my own book and think POSITIVE!

I am going to start listing my personal life intentions to try and keep me positive and in the right frame of mind. I might post photos of things I like or love. It doesn't mean I want them but they are shared to help me stay focussed on my dreams, hopes, thoughts and goals. I hope you enjoy the journey with me.

My goals and intentions.

1. A place to live of my own with a garden.



This will do for a start.
 

The Garden

The Gardener

OK, so that's a place to live, complete with garden and gardener. Pop back soon for the next stage of my life's intentions, goals, wishes, thoughts and dreams.

Remembering me!

Well, I think I'm getting worse at posting on my blog not better. I apologise.

Anyway, I'm still here and still at my eldest son's house. Whilst I admit I am getting better I'm still having some very down days.

Since I left home at 17 I have always been somebody wife, girlfriend or mother. There has always been a 'significant other/s' in my life. Now I am totally alone and on my own and it's not, for me, a very pleasant experience. I know I can do things just for me etc., but everything seems a bit pointless on my own. A cup of tea in a café on your own isn't the same as a cup of tea with a friend to put the world to rights. I'm not after sympathy, I'm not playing the victim nor am I being negative, I'm just stating how I feel and recognising that. I will have to work on me. Living for me and doing things just for me. I have forgotten who I am so I will now have to try and remember who I am. Do "I" still exist?




Breathe. Original photograph taken by Cliff Soden

 

I created the above picture as part of a challenge. The brief was to create a piece of a place, real or imagined, where we can go to truly BREATHE. A cold, frosty morning is one place I can go to be alone with me and truly breathe. Original photo taken by my friend, who is not only a fab photographer but and excellent bass player. Cliff Soden. Some of the other elements are from Anna Aspnes.

Anyway, the days are now getting longer and spring is finally here. The promise of new life, new beginnings and happier days.

I have bought myself a new-to-me car. A little Honda Jazz. She is just so nippy and much more economical than my old Astra. The Astra served me well and moved around the countryside with me.

I have also treated myself to a new PC and monitor for my creative art. A bigger monitor really does help.

My creative mojo seems to have come back and I've been doing some nice digital art. Two of my pieces have been accepted into an art gallery in America. I am very pleased about that.

I bought a second hand Canon EOS 450d DSLR. This is a huge learning curve from a bridge or compact camera so I'm having lots of fun trying to get to grips with that. Now the weather is better I'm hoping to get out more and take some nice if not stunning photos.

Signing off for now. toodle pip.
Joy x

Happy New Year

Well, Christmas has been and gone and the new year is here and so am I. I'll admit Christmas wasn't great. Far too many emotions and tears but I feel much better now. I still get teary if I think about everything too much but hey ho, time is a great healer so I'm told.

Anyway, I have been doing some digital art and would love to get my business - Dragonfly Dreams - Inspired Digital Art - off the ground. Maybe now I'm living my life for me it will be possible.

I have had a couple of my pieces printed off as limited edition prints to see how they look and I'm very pleased.

This piece is 24" x 12" on museum quality paper. I can't wait to get it framed.




Winter Summer 24" x 12"